I lost my temper this weekend. I just had to speak up. You see, the past 2 weekends, I’ve attended 3 youth soccer tournaments. Granted, this is not normal, but it exposed me to some behaviors that I feel must be changed.
One of the worst offenders of the weekend was a coach, it’s 8:15 in the morning, temperature in the low 40’s, kids have been on the field since 7am, in the DARK, and he’s yelling at an 8 year old girl “……, you are not working hard enough!!!!”. If I were that child’s mother I would have calmly walked around the field, socked that man in the nose, and then pulled my daughter off the field to go home.
But it’s not the coaches that have me riled up, it’s the parents. I’ve been on sidelines of various sports both competitive, recreational, and even professional, and for both boys and girls for around 10 years now, so I feel like I’ve seen enough to make a statement.
Sadly, the people who really need to see this, won’t. And even if they do, they won’t see themselves. But, maybe if I put it out there, one person might change, and I can at least get it out of my head.
So here’s my pebble in the pond.
Your job as a parent of a young Athlete is fairly straight forward-
-get the kid to practice….. make sure they have the needed equipment and WATER. If it’s cold… a pullover or sweats… if it’s hot…LOTS of WATER. Fed and rested is a bonus.
-get the kid to games…make sure they are ON TIME. If the coach wants them there an hour early, be there an hour early. They NEED to have their uniform. All parts of their uniform. Double check. You don’t want to drive an hour to a game and find that you left the shoes at home.
-sit on the sidelines and cheer…. Not shout, not coach, not berate the referee, not criticize the coach, not yell at other parents, CHEER for your child and his or her team mates. Be encouraging.
-and when the game is over…. Win or Lose…. You give your kid a hug or a big smile or a high five or whatever you do to let them know that you enjoyed watching them do their best. Be sympathetic, or enthusiastic. Don’t say something along the lines of “what were you doing out there?” “you looked asleep!”, “you played like crap!”. Someone has to win, someone has to lose. It’s part of life. Messi doesn’t score every time he shoots at the goal, Joe Montana didn’t get every pass completed, and Kobe doesn’t sink every free throw.
Parent behavior on the side lines has been awful. Parents coaching their kids, screaming at their 8 year old children to “move forward”, “get back”, “run”, “you’re out of position”, “get over there”. I’ve seen parents of 14 year olds stalk up and down the field while shouting instructions for an ENTIRE GAME. Your kids have a coach. Read that again. YOUR KIDS HAVE A COACH. The coach has instructed them what to do during the game. If your child is not doing that, the coach will correct the child. Getting screamed at by mom and dad will not fix the kid. It will confuse the kid. I’ve seen kids stop playing and say “what dad?” while the ball goes by…..Sometimes coaches want to see certain things from their players during the game, maybe a certain type of pass or move, who knows. You won’t get the memo. Deal with it. Paying for coaching doesn’t entitle you to special privileges… you are still just a parent on the sidelines.
Think about it this way…. Would you go in to your child’s class room and SCREAM at him or her about the way they are doing math? Or forming their letters? Would you want a grown up to stand over you at work, SCREAMING and SHOUTING at you for doing your job wrong? How humiliating.
Long after the game is over, the memory of winning or losing will fade… but the memory of dad berating his daughter or son for being “out of position” will linger. I’ve had enough of seeing kids cry or get into screaming matches with their parents during a game. Sucks the fun out of it for everyone.
(And if you don’t like or don’t agree with the coach? Don’t express it at the game. Talk to the coach at another time, or talk to the coaching director, or pull your kid out. Remember, unless the coach is really abusive or horrible, you child will learn something from him or her. All the different coaches and learning experiences they get will add up to a well-rounded player.)
And while we’re on the subject of bad behavior, DO NOT YELL AT THE REFEREE. The referee is doing their job. Maybe you don’t agree with their call… I guarantee that sometimes you will get a call your way that the other team doesn’t agree with. In the great scheme of things…. It all balances out. Feel like you can do it better? Take the class. Become a ref. Support the team by knowing the rules. I see parents who have never played the game, have only had minimal exposure to the game, making bad calls and then fighting with the ref. Honestly! If your little sweetie gets a foul called against her… that’s the way it goes… don’t take on the ref about it. Your player is the one in the fray. If it’s a very bad call? The coach or team captain will step in.
Don’t yell or insult the other parents. If they are out of line, the Referee will handle it. It’s actually part of their job, and they can remove people from the sidelines if needed. One of the worst examples of bad sideline behavior? Parents on one team TAUNTING a boy on the opposing team. Really? What kind of adult thinks it is OK to insult a 15 year old boy for how he plays a game? It’s shameful.
Now… don’t go thinking I’m one of those people who thinks everyone gets a lollipop just for showing up. I love it when my kids win… I share their excitement! And it’s hard when they lose…the ride home is awful. But… I can’t tie up my entire emotional well being in a game.
I think the most important thing to remember is perspective. That’s such a good word. PERSPECTIVE. These are children playing a game. Yes, it’s competitive, but it’s not World Cup, the World Series, the Superbowl or the Stanley Cup. They play this week, they will play again next week, and they will play next season.
Unless…. The screaming and shouting all become too much, and they give up something they used to love. And that’s sad.
Do yourself a favor. Take up a sport yourself. Play in an adult league. Leave it all on the field or the court there….
And then go watch your kid have some fun.
